"Oh no, she found me, that woman
has been blowing up my phone!" The junior coach was cornered as his friend
scurried away. In walked a woman wearing high heels, a short skirt, a cell
phone in one hand and cup of french fries in the other.
"He is right here, I see him, that little &^%$ has been avoiding
me!" She told someone on the other end of the phone call.
An ex-girlfriend or maybe a one
nighter? Neither, just another hockey mom, with a tail and claws, set on
the young coach.
"Coach," she says as she
smiles and tries to expose more of her assets. "I've been looking for
you." The young coach squirms because he knows what is coming next.
"What do I have to do for you to
give little Johnny another chance?" She asks the coach. It does not matter
that Johnny is a pothead, can't skate backwards, but has his parents convinced
that the NHL is going to draft him next year, the coach thought to himself.
"I am sorry Mrs. Smith, but we
just don't have a need for him on this team, have you called the teams out in
Washington I told you about?" The coach asks.
"But we want him to be on YOUR
team, so we can see him play and he can live at home." She begs.
"I'll even open up our house to a handful of your out of town
players," she adds.
The coach remembers the incident from
a few years ago, she had convinced her husband to let a few boys from the team
stay at their house. That did not go well he remembers. While the husband was
out of town, the police had to break up a party and found three kegs, over a
hundred drunk teenagers, and her locked upstairs in a room with two
goaltenders. That was a stinging memory.
"I don't think the board is
going to approve you again," the coach tells her. "You really should
consider Washington, a fresh start could really do him some good," he
Then came the hard sell. "I'll
do anything if you would only roster him. Anything." She begged again.
Inside the coach was trying not to laugh. This lady has lost it. Maybe if I was
20 years older, he thought to himself.
"I'm sorry, I just can't use
him," he says as he tries to walk away. That angered her, than she
snapped. "You are just stupid!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Johnny is the best player in this town!" She added with double
barrels aimed at the ceiling.
What do they put in the rink coffee
that makes some hockey moms so crazy? We have all seen them in the stands,
screaming at the mini-mites, and staring down opposing mothers in the concessions
line during the break.
Real Housewives of Orange County have
nothing on the Cougars of junior hockey.
Stephen Heisler has spent a lifetime in the game of hockey. Now semi-retired and working with individual teams, coaches, and players as a consultant, he spends most of his time in Florida with his family.
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